The Words shared by My Father That Helped Me when I became a Brand-New Parent

"I think I was just trying to survive for a year."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the challenges of fatherhood.

However the actual experience quickly turned out to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Severe health issues during the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into acting as her primary caregiver as well as looking after their infant son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every change… every walk. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a talk with his father, on a park bench, that led him to understand he required support.

The straightforward words "You aren't in a healthy space. You require support. What can I do to support you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His story is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although people is now better used to discussing the pressure on mothers and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties dads go through.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his struggles are symptomatic of a wider reluctance to open up amongst men, who still internalise negative perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and remains standing with each wave."

"It's not a sign of being weak to seek help. I failed to do that soon enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men often don't want to accept they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not justified to be requesting help" - especially ahead of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental state is just as important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the space to request a respite - going on a few days away, away from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he needed to make a change to focus on his and his partner's feelings as well as the practical tasks of taking care of a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has changed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of emotion and make sense of his parenting choices.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, long-standing trauma caused his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions resulted in him make "terrible choices" when he was younger to modify how he felt, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the hurt.

"You gravitate to substances that are harmful," he notes. "They might temporarily change how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse."

Strategies for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you feel under pressure, confide in a trusted person, your other half or a professional how you're feeling. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the pursuits that allowed you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. This might be playing sport, seeing friends or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - a good diet, getting some exercise and if you can, resting, all contribute in how your mind is coping.
• Meet other new dads - listening to their experiences, the messy ones, along with the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help isn't failing - looking after you is the most effective way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead give the security and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men since they confronted their pain, changed how they talk, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their children.

"I'm better… sitting with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, on occasion I feel like my role is to guide and direct you on life, but actually, it's a exchange. I am understanding an equal amount as you are in this journey."