🔗 Share this article Balancing my Yearning for Spontaneous Intimacy While Seeking a Committed Partnership As a homosexual male approaching 50, my life has involved numerous, largely pleasurable years pursuing casual sex with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I was in a committed partnership which continued for a significant period, but it never fully satisfied me, because I didn't experience love or intimately fulfilled. The fact is that I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Whenever I start to date a potential partner, once the newness dwindles, an impulse arises to have sex with new partners again. Reflecting on the Possibility of Exclusive Commitment I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to sustain a faithful partnership. I understand that many homosexual males have open relationships, but from my observations, they appear demanding, often causing lots of heartache and envy among all parties. In many ways, I want a partner to care for me while allowing me to pursue other intimacies, however I dread to imagine the psychological toll this might create. Should I just keep having spontaneous encounters and acknowledge that a long-term relationship may be unattainable? I’m feeling somewhat confused. Each individual's intimate path varies. Try not to think about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to tolerate different types of intimate connections in a finite way. Your needs in your current state may well change in the future; at a certain time you may find yourself less ambivalent and discover some clarity and a suitable route … or perhaps not. One day you could encounter someone who provides a life-changing chance to you through mirroring your desires completely … and later on you might decide that non-committal encounters suit you best. Fretting over what lies ahead and engaging in the “What if?” game is simply rooted in fear and a waste of your energy. Aim to stay in the moment with your partners, and see the value of each person with whom you might have a sexual connection. When and if you are ever ready to deepen true intimacy with a single person, you will know. The psychotherapist practices as a US-based therapy professional who specialises in addressing intimacy issues.